Around 20 years ago a chance popped up to work on a Duke Nukem spin-off title. Unfortunately the project never happened, but writing the short cinematic pitch was a lot of fun.
Duke Cinematic Pitch
The camera enters the solar system at high speed, flying past the outer planets and over the moon. It slows slightly as it passes a fleet of alien vessels heading toward Earth. It races ahead and plunges down through the atmosphere to:
A solitary pigeon wings its way over the dusty southwest, gliding on the thermals from the beat up two lane blacktop below. Ratty old billboards line the highway, hawking cheap goods from companies long out of business. A sparkle of light in the distance catches the birds eye and it swoops down for a look.
An old gas station that’s seen better days sits alone at the side of the highway. A beat up sign hangs out front, “Dick’s Gas ‘n’ Garage”. The Dick’s been crossed out with red paint, and replaced with Duke. Two old red gas pumps stand out front, with cardboard signs hanging on them. One says “Out of Service”, the other says “Duke’s special blend”.
Seemingly out of place in all this is a beautiful, chrome-laden chopper with flames and a stylized radiation symbol on the tank.
The pigeon swoops down and lands on the seat, gives the bike the appreciative look of a connoisseur and waddles up the tank. It comes to a stop on the chrome gas cap and takes on a look of extreme concentration.
“Don’t even think about it!”, the ratcheting sound of a pistol being cocked and the accompanying exclamation startle the bird and its knees snap together. A laser beam comes to a point on the middle of its chest. The bird looks down at the beam and crosses its legs tighter. Its eyes start to cross and its cheeks turn red as the pressure builds. It gives a strained coo.
From the birds eye view, a muscular young man swims into focus, a very large pistol in his hands. High in the sky above a black dot begins to grow rapidly in size, blotting out the harsh dry blue of the desert day.
“I mean it. One wrong move and you’re cat food, buddy”. The kid means business.
The black blob in the sky resolves into one of the alien ships, which sends out a beam of its own. Duke looks down at the ground and sees a puddle of red light at his feet. Slowly he tilts his head back to look. The pigeon does the same. A ball of energy coalesces at the base of the ship.
“Holy Cr–”
Everything happens at once, slow motion, bullet time. The pigeon just can’t hold it any longer and launches vertically into the air. Duke dives headfirst toward his bike, pistol blazing, trying to take out the bird and dodge the blast at the same time.
The ball of energy comes roaring down on the gas station. The bike rockets out of the parking lot as the place goes up in a massive fireball. Debris flies
everywhere. The sign crashes to earth, still smoking. Something white splats on Duke’s name. A pigeon coos.
CUT TO TITLE.